#16 Having An Extra Living Room

For reasons unclear to even arabs themselves, Palestinians and most arabs in general seem to keep and “extra” living room in their houses. This “spare” living room is meant only for “guests.”  The problem is, hardly anyone qualifies for the status of “guest.” No one is allowed  in this extra living room, which is often times nicely furnished and always very clean.

Guests themselves, those who come from outside of the often densely populated house, seem to understand this phenonmeon and navigate to the main living room, which is a  far cry from the never entered spare living room. The main living room is often furnished with heavely used couches and stained carpet but its ok because the “extra” living room is most likely being preserved for guests such as presidents and other out of this world guests from outer space, of the President, because he is a frequent visitor!

It is not uncommon to find your vision will need several minutes to adjust upon entering one of these living rooms. Everything in it is commonly covered with a bright, obnoxious gold color. Of course this is not real gold. That would be way too expensive for Arabs. If they’re buying gold (which they do a lot), it would be for wearing, but thats a topic for another post…

#15 Proverbs

If you have ever encountered a Palestinian, say in a grocery store line, whispering to him/herself (if they are not swearing in Arabic openly without shame about the annoying person in front of them) they are most like saying a proverb.

There is a proverb for anything and everything in Arabic, and Palestinians are notorious for using them as much as possible. In fact, quite commonly, a Palestinian may go through an entire day speaking through nothing other than proverbs. It may be tempting to be repulsed at such unoriginal behavior, but fear not. Palestinians simply need a script for life. This is so that they can spend their time on more important things like watching TV soap operas, running after a multitude of kids, or freeing Palestine (uhhh….they’re working on that one).

#14 Getting Married Young

Palestinians operate on 2 principles when it comes to weddings. 1) marry young and 2) invite one, invite all.

So when you find yourself in line at Sears talking to a Palestine, who is most likely telling you the reason she is buying this expensive dress is for her niece or nephews wedding, you will be also invited to the wedding. So kindly oblige to attend because after all you are interested in Palestinian culture, why else would you be reading this blog?

At the wedding though it might seem like a mystery who the groom and bride are, look for a couple who look ready for prom. One dressed all in white and the other accompanied by the arm by his father, a man who looks like he could be the groom’s older brother.

This will be a long night; loud music, wild dancing, but you will enjoy it too. Palestinian can be an interesting bunch. Chances are there will be a 1000 people at this wedding so you will have your pick of several different kinds of people to talk to. All will want to gossip about who is sitting at the next table, but only listen, don’t contribute because that can be dangerous, you will get the response “hey that’s my cousin!”

The wedding of a 16 year old girl to an 18 year old boy will be an interesting experience for you though, not something you see everyday, mind the partial deafness you will acquire due to this wedding, it goes away in a few days, hopefully!

#13 Staring

Palestinian woman and men have one common habit: staring. This is not one glance, side ways look, or friendly eye contact and smile. It is a full on “I see you and don’t care if you see me staring at you” type of look that follows you down the block and around the corner.

Palestinians, especially men, will look at anything and everything. Not only look, but gawk, like they have never seen such a thing ever in their entire lives. So while you are out say, taking your dog on an evening walk, don’t be alarmed if the strange, most likely elderly, Palestinian man in his mid seventies seems to be checking you out while sitting on a chair on his balcony across the street. He simply can’t help it; he is a true Palestinian.

Women on the other hand will most likely check you out, and their number one motivation is gossip. If a Palestinian women is looking you up and down, say in the grocery store, you can rest assure that if she is not uttering some random piece of gossip to her accompanying Palestinian neighbor (because Palestinian woman never shop alone) about you, she is most likely thinking of gossip to tell the very next person she encounters, whether they actually know who you are or not.

In conclusion: Palestinians have a serious staring problem, and unfortunately there is no cure, except the display of a certain finger. But you don’t want to start a fight with a Palestinian, you might get seriously injured by a barrage of rocks, which every Palestinian keeps handy in case a Jew rolls around.

#12 Musilsalat (Soap Operas)

One thing that you can never take away from an average Palestinian house-wife is her beloved musilsalat (soap operas). Every Palestinian housewife survives solely on musilsalat. It’s an open secret that all housewives watch soap operas, I mean, what else is one to do with herself after all the house chores are down at 10am; the obvious answer is watch musilsalat.

Not only that, many house-wives engage in a type of memory game involving these musilsalat. For convenience’s sake the network channels repeat musilsalat several times a day to which the loyal and bored housewife persists to watch several times a day. Watching at 8am while cleaning the house does not suffice, the 12pm program must be watched. However, the memory game is not complete unless the program is watched a 3^rd time at 5pm, just to check if every scene from the 12pm program is remembered correctly.

So if you are ever at your Palestinian neighbor’s house and find her nodding in agreement at the TV uttering “no no don’t do it…..ugh, so stupid” and “see see….ya….I told you so,” to no one but herself and then clapping in amusement to her wonderful memory, don’t be alarmed; like many routines a Palestinian housewife has, this is simply the 5 o’clock routine.

#11 Blaming Everything on Jews

To do justice to this aspect that Palestinian people like would take several posts, if not dozens or hundreds. Palestinian people unilaterally and unconditionally blame everything on Jews. Bad grade? Jewish teacher’s fault. Cut off while driving on the highway? Driver must be a Jew. $500 cell phone bill due to a teenage daughter’s excessive texting? The daughter must somehow be a Jew.

While it is safe to blame the 1948 expulsion of Palestinians from Palestine on the Jews, anything more than that tends to be over-exaggeration. If one is to believe everything a Palestinian says during a normal 20 minute conversation, they will believe that Jews are the cause of every sad face in history and that right now, somewhere, a Jew is telling a child Santa doesn’t exist.

Palestinians will not only place undue blame on Jews for everything, but they will also use that blame as a crutch to be lazy. When you blame Jews for everything, life becomes much easier. You are suddenly absolved of ever being responsible for your own actions or ineptitude. It is all the Jews’ fault. It is not uncommon to find a conversation such as this:

“Hey man, why are you selling fake iPods on the street in the ghetto? Why don’t you get a decent job?”

“Maaaan, I would but it’s hard out there, the Jews wont ever hire a Palestinian like me.”

“You know, not every employer is a Jew…”

“No man, I swear to God they’re behind everything. What do you know? The Jews probably brainwashed you anyways!”

While a normal person’s reaction may be to hit the Palestinian as hard as they can and hope some sense gets knocked into them, please refrain from doing so. Violence is never the answer…even though a Palestinian may tell you Jews start all the violence.

One thing you absolutly must NOT do around Palestinians is point out any hypocracy in their attitudes on Jews. Thus, when going to see the latest Adam Sandler movie with your Palestinian friend, don’t mention the fact that Adam Sandler is a Jew and isn’t evil. This will only anger your Palestinian friend, and make him/her realize their own lack of logic causing him/her to yell at you and call you a Jew.

#10 Waking Up At 8am To Clean

Embedded in every Palestinian woman’s DNA is a need to wake up early in the morning, 8am early, in order to clean her already sparkling clean household.

Some (non-Palestinians) would find this need strange and uncalled for, but every Palestinian woman will try to convince you that no matter how many times you dust or vacuum, you can never be clean enough unless you rise early to clean everyday.

So when you hear the loud, practically about to bust in half, vacuum cleaner at 8am from your bedroom window on a nice Saturday morning don’t hate your Palestinian neighbor, she can’t help it, she is a true Palestinian woman.

But when this Palestinian woman decides to pop over for a short (inspection) visit around 9am on that same Saturday morning, kindly find an excuse to not let her in. If there is anything that Palestinian woman are more regular in, other than cleaning their entire house everyday, its “inspector” visits. These visits are to check how clean the person’s house is. Be very skeptical of these “friendly visits” they are the number one source of gossip and a Palestinian woman’s feeling of superiority.

# 9 Walmart

 

Otherwise known as Arab-Mart in Palestinian circles, Wal-Mart is the be all and end all of Arab shopping.

At any given time you will find a small army of Arab families going about their shopping at Wal-Mart. Don’t be alarmed you see a Palestinian family enters Wal-Mart as if an out of control kindergarten class has entered. Kids running in every direction with mothers shouting in Arabic in the background. Shopping Palestinian moms also seem to travel in packs, sisters, neighbors, friends, an Arab women knows better than to shop alone for fear of loneliness because her small army of children isn’t enough of a distraction.

Other than that though, why do Arabs navigate to Wal-Mart for their every shopping need? Because it’s cheap! Where else can you buy your kids an outfit for less than $20 while at the same time grabbing something to cook for dinner? And what’s more is you can always count on Wal-Mart for sales, no matter what the occasion is, there is always a sale and with that sale comes a plethora of Arabs!

So, word of advice, the near future holds no promise of Wal-Mart ever being Arab free, so to avoid these people (and their crazy out of control children that will most likely almost run you over with a shopping cart), you might consider shopping at K-Mart….or wait, isn’t that the same thing?

#8 Rice

 

Do you want rice with that?

Just like in American culture the common fast-food phrase is “do you want fries with that,” the one number food priority with mostly all Arabs, but specifically Palestinians, is rice.

Rice goes with everything according to Arabs. Never is a feast complete without the basic plain rice that Palestinians love so much. No matter how many different entrées you prepare, whether or not there is even any room for another plate on the already full table of food, rice must be present! Otherwise the meal is incomplete in the eyes of a Palestinian, and if so, you will never hear the end of it.

Rice is essential, that is all you need to know! With every meal, with every type of food, especially soup, rice must be on the menu.

Also, Palestinians take rice everywhere. Don’t be alarmed if while on a picnic with your Palestinian neighbors, a full pan of rice that can feed a small army mysteriously appears and you are asked to dive in. Chances are about 20 people are eating out of the same tray of rice, but never refuse to join in. The number one most offensive act you can commit towards a Palestinian family is refusing to eat their food, and you never want to offend a Palestinian, especially in a park where there are a plethora of rocks.

#7 Boycotts

“Starbucks and McDonalds are donating their profits for the next two weeks to the Israeli military, boycott them and all Israel supporting companies!” Chances are, if you got an email that said that, you know a Palestinian. Palestinians absolutely love boycotting Israel, especially if the reason for the boycott is fake, and there is a large amount of evidence pointing towards the contrary.

Far be it for us at SPPL to question the legitimacy of a chain email that cites no sources and was sent to you by a guy called “Big Mo”, but Palestinians love believing emails concerning Israeli boycotts. An interesting phenomenon is the total lack of logic behind these boycotts. Scientific research still has not reached a consensus on the effects of excessive olive consumption on logic, so it is difficult to determine what causes this.

Boycotts have generally been proven to be quite beneficial to Palestinians. It provides them with the feeling that they have done something to help the poor and oppressed in Palestine without actually doing anything. Mosques and relief organizations ask for donations, rallies require a lot of effort and yelling, and actually going to Palestine to help is pretty dangerous. On the other hand, boycotting an unrelated corporation provides all the same feeling of doing something productive, while not actually doing anything, giving Palestinians a double win: feeling good about themselves, and not doing anything.

Corporations susceptible to Palestinian boycotts convieniently are places Palestinians are not likely to shop anyways. Starbucks has been the target of boycotts for years, and is far too expensive for a typical frugal Palestinian anyways. For this reason, you will never find an email in your inbox about boycotting Dunkin’ Donuts, Walmart, or Chevy Astro vans – all products that Palestinians love.