A Palestinian’s ability to feel no emotion may come off as rude, hurtful, or frighteningly sociopathic. Fret not, my non-Palestinian friend, for that is simply how they are programmed and is the only way they are capable of living their lives. Anthropologists are still not sure about the cause, but it appears that Palestinians can only live life without attachment, feelings, or emotions. This enables them to get by and focus on more important things: social status, reputation, and cold hard cash. For example, you may know a Palestinian for 2 or 3 years, be very close friends with them, and have long-term business plans with that person, but as soon as a better business opportunity pops up for your Pali friend, don’t expect your phone calls to be returned. The Palestinian will have no problem losing a close friend of 2 or 3 years because of that lack of emotion. Quite honestly, that extra couple bucks could very well be more important than any kind of emotional bond between people anyways.

How can you, as a non-Palestinian, deal with such odd behavior? The first solution that comes to mind would be to simply have no emotional connection to any Palestinian. Don’t talk to them, don’t listen to them, don’t look at them, and if one tries to speak to you, punch them in the throat. However, this solution is not very practical and could get you 2 to 5 years in prison for aggravated assault. A more practical approach is to mimic the behavior of said Palestinians. By similarly not having any feelings or emotions, you can deal with Palestinians the way they expect to be dealt with. Proceed with caution, however, as you would not want to end up permanently like the Palestinian.

No matter what evidence is presented to a Palestine it will ultimately make no difference, Palestinians are skilled at denying the obvious remember?! Once a Palestinian decides something is a certain way, no amount of info in any form: charts, graphics, statics, facts or annnnnnnnnnnything will convince him/her otherwise. If a Palestinian insists green is yellow and yellow is green….go with it, there is no use in arguing otherwise, but changing the subject to your liking is an excellent idea! You’d be surprised at the ridiculous ideas Palestinians are prone to actually believe! Such as hybrid cars are a step in the direction of the next great invention: flying cars! but hey…who knows what the future holds!

It is a mystery why Palestinians collectively gasp at the thought of someone entering their home with shoes on, but most likely this Palestinian trait, like many others, is embedded into their culture from centuries ago, when no shoes existed and everyone on the farm in Palestine simply went around barefoot….right?

Well if you were to ask any Palestinian would you tell you that the reason for this is simply because they work oh so hard to clean their house, I mean give these poor woman a break they are up from 8am cleaning and making sure their house is spotless…so you best be respectin’ that! oh….and don’t forget to comment about the super shinny floors, Palestinian love it when you compliment anyyyyyything about their household, especially its cleanliness!

Palestinian men can be picked out of a crowd based on their facial hair. But a beard is more than just prickly little hairs sticking out of a man’s faces…no no its his honor,  his pride, and his joy….because we all know it is sooooooo difficult to grow a beard! I mean come on, it takes sooooo much effort to wake up and not shave your face for 3 days in a row!

Nonetheless, a  beard-less man is otherwise deemed a woman, in Palestinian circles. So the next time you are passing by a group of Palestinian men, most likely sitting in front of their garage with a hookah and laughing…dont worry, your hair-less face is just comical to them. Either that or its not really tobacco in that hookah! You be the judge of that….

Just like the use of windex in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, lemon is similarly used on all Palestinian dishes. Any and every possible food that Palestinians cook has lemon in it! Soup? Lemon! Potatoes? Lemon! Cabbage? Lemon! That’s all fine and dandy, right? Whats wrong with having lemon in your soup, potatoes and cabbage? Nothing of course. However, Palestinians take it too far. You will be asked if you want lemon on your cookies, on your pizza, on your spaghetti, with your salt, and in your Bebsi.

So don’t be alarmed when your are eating home made cookies at your Palestinian neighbor’s house and you happen to ask “what’s that particular ingredient I taste?” You know the answer….”lemon, of course!”

Most Palestinians have never seen an accomplishment they didn’t think was worth bragging about. New car? Brag. Relative got married? Brag. Ate an entire Subway footlong with jalapenos without crying? Brag. Palestinians LOVE feeling like they’re better than someone else. But not only do they love feeling better, they also want YOU to know that they’re better. Thus they brag about the most meaningless stuff in an attempt to remind you how far superior they really are.

Since accomplishing feats such as finishing high school, getting a job, or getting a new cell phone are basic skills every citizen should accomplish anyways, there is no need for you to feel offended by Palestinian people bragging. The best thing you can do is to look awestruck as if you have just seen something incredible and let them have their moment. Under no circumstances should you even attempt to point out the pointlessness of Palestinian bragging. Not only will you crush that Palestinian person’s spirit, but you will end up on the receiving end of a 30 minute rant about how amazing that person’s son is, and he just isn’t understood by his teachers who call him a hyperactive devil, and how you should recognize the accomplishments of others and respect them, and how “you don’t know anything anyways, you’re probably a Jew”.  You don’t want that. You just don’t.

Don’t be surprised if at any given time during your conversation with a Palestinian parent their child comes up to them and begins begging for attention. Lets face it, most children do that, however, only a Palestinian parent has the ability to completely ignore the nagging and tugging (at their arm, leg or any other accessible limb) of their child. The Palestinian parent will carry on a conversation full throttle, pausing at all the right times, making facial expressions, asking questions, and most definitely listening to you….all while completely tuning out the now crying child. And shall you feel the need to remind this Palestine parent that perhaps they should give their child more attention than this conversation, they well simply say with a wave of the hand, “oh just ignore him, he never shuts up….” and now you’re  probably thinking: “ummmm…..look in the mirror buddy.”

If the ignoring just doesn’t seem to work, banish them to the basement! Every good, well-off Palestinian family has a basement in their house. Why you ask? To lock the children up of course. You know that American saying “kids should be seen not heard”? Well, Palestinians believe “kids should neither be seen nor heard” . The basement door likely has a couples locks on it , and to  know a certain door leads to the basement, just listen close to what sounds like a bunch of wild animals bouncing off the walls. “Oh that’s just the kids” your Palestinian friend will say with another wave of the hand. Neglect you say? No no no, its called Palestinian discipline.

Palestinians are typically kind people, they are nice and generous to a fault when you first meet them. They are also never shy to introduce you to the rest of the family as if they have known you for years…..however, the instant you turn your back, before you are even any more than 5 steps away from them the back-bitting begins. And if you were to ever catch them in the act, given that you are still close enough to actually hear them back-bitting you, (Palestinians tend to be selectively ignorant at times), they would do the typical Palestinian thing to do….deny the obvious!

Nonetheless, don’t pursue arguing with a Palestinian about his/her back-bitting ways, we all know arguing with a Palestinian will get you no where….instead steal a glance back at them with an evident expression of “I hearrrrrrrrrrred you” and wave….this will cause a good dose of guilt to your new Palestinian friends…..best pay back ever!